…when he watched Poppy leave the bathroom without washing his hands, I made a double take just the same when this brunette gave me a nod and a half smile, leaving a sweaty machine in her wake.
It was quite the quandary for any number of reasons. First, if she was some dude, would I be more bothered? Second, could this possibly be her way of subtly sending me a message, maybe even hitting on me? (Much like Elaine thought was a sign when a guy she liked left her a sweaty gym machine to use after him… Second Seinfeld reference, nice!)
Anyway, I’m not going to lie, I started using it right after without cleaning it off. I know I know, I’m a frickin hypocrite! For one, I don’t like sitting in the same chair after most people were on it for a long period; and the same goes for the same piece of gym equipment, even if it isn’t sweaty. Número dos, I have definitely cleaned the machine right after people left it, which if nothing else puts me in an awkward position because if they catch me doing that they might be offended. Yet because I was attracted to this woman, all of a sudden I’m cool with using it with her sweat still present? (Well, even I’ve heard sweating with your gal pal can be pretty hot, like tandem bike riding in the summer or some such.)
Honestly I don’t think she’d much care, and I was in a rush anyway, but it’s a great example of how double standards even extend to gym related to matters of hygiene. Now I cleaned it thoroughly when I was finished, and who knows if the person before her even gave it a once over, so the person after me was definitely lucky to have had me precede them… Sadly that luck didn’t extend to the mat upstairs and myself the next night, when there was just really no good options.
The franchise gym I go to seems to play fast and loose with the term janitor, as my one brother’s hyper pitbull mix would probably do a better job with a rag in his mouth and a spilled bottle of top job cleaner. When I have to decide between the section with the sneaker skids, quadrant with oddly shaped sweat stains, or the rest of the mat covered either with some kind of hair (the less I know the better) or what I can only hope is lint; clearly someone isn’t exactly taking pride in their work.
Either way, even if the person in charge of gymnasium sanitation mailed it in, the mat should be cleaner than it was. Yet I pressed on like the gym rat I am and did my planks. As one minute becomes two and then three plus more, I noticed across from me some guy get up and not wipe after himself. And the class A hypocrite that I am could only think; “Matt is getting upset!”
And there you have it people, the Seinfeld Trifecta! Stay tuned for the next post, where I work in cutting edge Golden Girls references… You’re welcome in advance!